Nancy Verrier

Nancy Verrier
הדרכה חשובה במיוחד מאת Nancy Verrier מחברת רבי המכר  "The Primal Wound"
ו- "Coming Home to Self". מאומצת, אם ביולוגית ואם לילדה מאומצת, פסיכולוגית קלינית.
להלן תמצית מתוך האתר שלה להורים מאמצים ובקרוב נפרסם תרגום.

האתר – להרחבה ולמידע קיראו באתר הקצר והקולע
הספר –  The primal wound – Content תוכן העניינים
סרטונים - כאן למטה  תמצאו סרטוני וידאו מתוך ריאיון שנערך עימה ומתפרסם ביו-טיוב.

מה הורים מאמצים יכולים לעשות – מתוך האתר

 ◾Deal with the reality of the adoptive situation: …it’s parenting plus!
◾Mother can be alert to and empathic to signs of loss and grieving.
◾Realize that it will be more difficult for her to know what to do for this particular child without genetic markers … be especially aware.
◾If possible, stay home with child; ….
◾Understand child’s coping mechanisms: acting out or compliant….
◾Try to understand the difficulty in growing up without seeing oneself reflected anywhere…
Celebrate birthday before the actual day. (Birthday may be separation day … child sad or angry.)
Don’t be late picking up child from school, activities, etc. (triggers abandonment).
Fear often keeps child from letting in love. Be patient; try not to feel rejected. (It’s not personal.)
Tell child about adoption before she knows what it means.
As she gets older, answer her questions honestly. (Questions may be acted out, rather than verbalized)
Don’t speak for anyone else (i.e., birthmother). Never say: (1) “Your birthmother loved you so much she wanted you to have a good home.” Even if true, this makes absolutely no sense to a child. One doesn’t give away what one loves.
If you can, stay in touch with birth family. Child needs mirroring and genetic markers. Honor promises…
Learn to understand the differences between behavior (acting out or compliant) and the child’s true personality. Behavior will often be different outside family. Easier for others to discern personality.
Acknowledge, respect, and value the differences between adoptee and other members of the family.
Encourage child’s talents and interests…
Recognize the core issues: abandonment, loss, rejection, trust, intimacy, guilt and shame, mastery and control, and identity.
Learn to understand child’s anger as a cover for pain:  ◾Allow the child to be herself. Withdraw expectations which do not fit her personality or abilities.

Do not try to take the place of the birthmother. ..
◾Don’t try to take away your child’s pain. Acknowledge it, try to understand it, validate it, help her put it into words, and give her ways to work it through.
◾Adoptees are often diagnosed with ADD. This may be a result of the trauma and hypervigilence. It has nothing to do with intelligence. Parents and teachers will need understanding and patience.
Prepare child for changes in routine. Fears surprises (like disappearance of mother).
◾Because of interruption of natural order, child may have difficulty with cause and effect or consequences. This is especially difficult during adolescence. Needs to be reinforced early.
◾Child needs strong boundaries and limits, . ..
◾Both need support group to compare notes with other adoptive parents and to avoid isolation.

לאתר של ננסי

ננסי וורייר – ראיון חלק 1

ננסי וורייר – ראיון חלק 2

ננסי וורייר – ראיון חלק 3

האתר של ננסי

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